Blog. Blog.

Wow! Soooo much has been going on since the last time I updated this! I can't even BELIEVE it!! I'm sorry it took me so long, I'll try to do it semi-regularly as studying permits. All I can say is... Where in the WORLD did July go???


General update: Katie & Mike had their baby! She's just about the most gorgeous & Precious baby I have ever seen! So beautiful! Also, Sam got married. I took the pictures. She looked absolutely stunning. Wedding photography takes a lot of work. And a LOT of late nights to get everything edited [I haven't really SLEPT in FOREVER.] That's just the tip of the iceberg in terms of events, but those are the most important ones. Life just really seems to be changing a lot for everyone these days...


College update: As of today: 20 days. [although it's past midnight, so I guess 19 days... Oh dear lord. We're in the teens now. How did THIS of all things manage to sneak up on me?!] 20/19 until orientation starts, anyways. We fly out on the 23rd, orientation starts the 26th, so we have a few days to go sight seeing and buy the things I couldn't fly out to Rochester with. I still have SO MUCH to do! I haven't even started packing really... All in all though, I'm not too worried about it. As long as I get everything done about a week before I leave, I'll be fine. This will give me time to double check everything, since I don't have the liberty of just driving down to get whatever I've forgotten. I've finally bought most of the things I need. So that's a HUGE load off. There are little things, but most of the major stuff is, at last, take care of. I purchased both my new tripod and a light meter yesterday. Kyle had said he wanted to buy me something functional for my birthday. Something that would help me with school. Take off some of the stress of getting ready. Something that would last a while, and that when I used it, I'd be able to think of him. Thus, he wanted to help me buy the tripod! We were aimlessly driving down in Colorado Springs yesterday and saw Wolfs Camera Shop so we decided to go in. I had heard of it, but I had never actually been inside. I instantly just connected with the tripod that I ended up getting. I just got the perfect vibe off of it, as silly as that sounds. The woman who helped us out was also really helpful, and the tripod ended up being perfect as she showed us all the features. [I talked to her for a really long time just about college and stuff, it was neat.] We also got a head for the tripod, obviously. It's all metal and really well made, I'm excited to get to use it. The price was just over 200 with tax and a UV filter added. I found out later that it was the exact brand, and the head was the same style as what i had originally picked out to get online with a student discount. [The price was also about the same as it would have been online because we didn't have to pay shipping this way.] I'm pretty much in love with it. Kyle put in half, as my birthday gift. He's quite the special boy. :] :]


Backtracking a bit, now that I've mentioned Kyle, other reason I'm not too concerned with packing is because I plan to distract myself with said college packing during the 10 days between when Kyle leaves for CSU and when I leave for RIT. I'm not looking forward to this at all, this is his last week at home and we're pretty much spending the ENTIRE thing together. I feel sort of badly about it. I'm kind of hogging him from his parents. Although, he can't wait to get out on his own, so I doubt he really minds, but I do feel sort of awkward about them missing their last week with him. [Although they WILL be able to see him more often than I will ;) ] We've been having such a great time so far [I even finally got him to color with me! :)] I think we're just trying to fit everything in. I've been doing okay lately with the whole emotional level of this. When the realization first struck of how soon we really were going to have to end our relationship, I cried a lot. We both wanted the exact same things, though, which was such a relief to myself and to Kyle. We both agreed it wouldn't be healthy to try to carry on a long distance relationship AND try to really get a feel for college and be able to experience everything. We both really feel it's important to stay in each others lives, even if it's just as friends. As hard as that may be. [And it's true, it's going to be SO hard when he finally likes someone else, or even when I find someone. But I think we're both mature enough to work around and with these emotions and really work to keep the friendship that we've had since before we started dating.] I had been really emotional about it, but lately I feel like I've been taking more of a "Well, you can either laugh or CRY" approach to it, and it's been working well. There are moments where I just want to burst out in tears because I realize that this AMAZING person that I've seen pretty much every single day since December, suddenly ISN'T going to be there. He will ALWAYS be there for me, and I know that. Friend or more. But there is something about the physical touch of someone who cares about you that you can't duplicate over a phone. It has also been more difficult lately though, because I can finally see it in his eyes and face sometimes how he's really feeling about leaving. He'd been pretty quite about it because he knew how hard all of this was for me, and didn't want to make it worse by talking about what he would and wouldn't be feeling. Tonight when I left his house, we were saying goodbye and I stepped out of the doorway and just started to cry as I walked down the driveway to my car. I didn't stop until I got home. And then of course my mom noticed and wanted to "talk about it." So then I cried more. And even a little now.


It's just SUCH a hard situation. Having to leave someone you love. Knowing that such a perfect relationship, and such a wonderful time period is ending. And you're leaving knowing that it will never ever be the same. While we will hopefully remain close friends... even if we date again someday, it WILL be different. THIS era, will be gone. During this entire relationship I've learned to give up the idea that I had long held quite tight fisted withing myself; that I must be able to control the situations around me. If not CONTROL the situation, have a back up plan so if the situation should LOSE control, I could keep it in control this plan. I have learned to really just have faith and leave SOME things up to fate. [with a little additional effort from yours truly] And that's just what I'm going to leave this relationship with, and really leave this whole SUMMER with. I'm going to work hard to stay close with him, but I'm just going to let fate have its way with me. Friends, Future Love, or Not. Leaving everyone is going to be hard. I'm going to be leaving the best friend I have EVER had. We met the day of our registration our freshmen year, and pretty much have NOT been apart since. We don't fight. We are the true friendship-style soul mates. But I'm not to worried about her, I know she's strong and I know we're gonna be able to stay close. Even if physically we're not. Parents. I'm going to LOVE being on my own. But I'm going to miss them SO much. I mean... they're my PARENTS!! I've never not seen them for more than a few weeks. It's going to be so hard. Haha, the more I write far away college is starting to sound like some sort of evil torture! But, to be honest, outside of all of this; the amazing amount of money I have recently spent, the TERRIFYING act of leaving absolutely EVERYTHING and EVERYONE I have ever loved or known.


I AM excited, though. Thanks to the wonders of the modern world I have met some really awesome people in my major from RIT. We've been talking fairly regularly and it's exciting to know that I will already have a few people up there to hang out with me on my birthday. [Since it's my third day on campus.] My roommate seems really cool and down to earth. I think we're gonna get along really well, which is exciting. I got onto a mainstreamed floor, which means that there are both Hard of Hearing [HOH] students and Deaf students mixed in with the Hearing students. I'm soooo excited for that. My entire life I have been interested in learning ASL and have taught myself bits and pieces, along with a few things I've picked up from having one of my best guy friends' parents both being deaf. Hmmm. I've gone on for a very long time. But I suddenly feel a little lighter. I think maybe from writing down the kyle stuff? Writing always helps me out. I can talk and talk and talk [as we all know! :)] but I really feel much more relaxed and freed when I write these things down.I hope everyone continues to have life move along wonderfully! Keep me in your thoughts over these next few weeks, because I'm am so utterly terrified of everything that's going to change in the next two weeks. I'm almost insane how much life can change in such a seemingly tiny amount of time, even if you HAVE been expecting it all summer!